...When you have Borderline, there are things you think and do that you don't want anyone else to ever find out. You hide parts of yourself. The "bad" parts. The taboo parts. And you definitely don't tell just anybody how you are really feeling. You just say "I'm fine," even though you're dying inside. Why do we do this? Because one- we know that most people really don't care anyway, and two- we will be judged, harshly, for who we are, what we think, things we say, and how we feel. I cringe even writing this, because it does make me very vulnerable. And I tend to not make great choices when I'm feeling vulnerable. I make awful choices. and I choose things that cause me great pain, like choosing the most emotionally unavailable person to love, or choosing to go back to them over and over. Why do I do this? I guess it's because I want to punish myself, beat myself up, because that's all I know. I don't know "how"

       Am I just as worthless as I thought? I fear I am.      I try to say the opposite, that I'm worthy, that I'm "special," that I will make a difference. But I don't know if I really believe that. Sometimes it just sounds ridiculous.         Nobody will ever love me. At least not the way I want them to. I'm just not worth it. I am not worthy of being loved. I don't deserve love. Why would someone want to love me? Nobody wants to "deal with" someone with Borderline. That's the last thing they want to do. And so I sit here, alone. And that is how it will be forever. Until the day I die.       Now that's the reality of Borderline. It comes crashing down like waves upon the sand. Being happy is just a lie. Being even content is pushing it. My self-worth has been destroyed, and I don't even know who I am anymore. I can be whatever I need to be. Except happy. That's just a fairy tale. An impossible dream. It's very much wanted an

                            BPD Relationship Cycle     If you've read the article about the BPD relationship cycle, then you know what you're about to read about. If you haven't read it, then you'll definitely learn some things here.     So, first I'll tell you about BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotion dysregulation disorder. What that means is that people with BPD have issues processing everyday emotions and reactions. Usually they have impulsivity problems and may experience episodes of intense anxiety, anger, and depression. These episodes can affect their job/school, their physical health, and most definitely their relationships, especially romantic ones. They have intense fears of abandonment, as well as a shifting self-image, an extremist mentality, and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.      In actuality, about 85% of those with BPD attempt suicide, with about 10% succeeding. I believe that those that succeeded have had a realization. They have re

Mental Health Stigma and the role Religion Plays By Amber Joy Kostecki        Mental Health Stigma is when someone views a person in a negative way just because they have a mental health condition, and nine out of ten people with a mental illness feel that stigma and discrimination negatively impact their lives.     Borderline Personality Disorder , or BPD, is one of the most stigmatized mental illnesses in existence. BPD is characterized by emotion dysregulation, impulsivity, unstable relationships, and an ever-shifting sense of self. Although it is not well-understood, BPD is prevalent, with more than 3 million cases diagnosed each year       I am one of those cases. I was diagnosed almost five years ago, and like many others, finally felt relief at learning the name for the thing I had been  suffering with for nearly a lifetime. After being diagnosed (and still to this day), I spent/spend a lot of time researching BPD and anything and everything about it, as well as mental health

The Borderline Cycle 1 We are born, innocent and free 2 Somebody else does something bad to us that we don't cause or deserve(trauma) We don't even know it's happening 3 As we grow up, so does our fear of abandonment and rejection, and we don't even know why it's happening 4 We seek out the love, approval, and assurance we never got and desperately need 5 We are rejected, abandoned, villianized, and gaslighted, further proving that we are indeed as worthless as we believe 6 Repeat #4 7 Repeat #5 8 over and over, until we die, either by natural causes or by our own hand, never having been able to experience truly being loved, the one thing we desperately needed to heal from something we did not cause or deserve, the thing we searched for our whole life BPD Support Group Facebook BPD Support Group Meetup