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The Reality of Borderline Personality Disorder: A True Story

      The Background   Borderline Personality Disorder. These words can be daunting. What does it mean? Will I be okay? How will this affect my life as I know it? I have BPD. I refer to it as “ constant suffering .” Your mind does not stop. It is constantly looking for the smallest sleight, pondering when the next person will leave, reminding you over and over how you are not good enough. For anyone. Ever. For me, BPD has been a constant presence in my life. I remember feeling huge feelings from the time I was little. I was very sensitive, and I cried. A LOT. I was very quiet and shy. Then I had a life-changing experience. Fourth grade. I come in from recess and hear my teacher saying “I hate that Amber Howard girl” to another teacher. What?! Of course my feelings were hurt. I didn’t understand. I ran to the bathroom and cried. Then I had a lightbulb moment. I was suddenly conscious of everything around me. And if she hated me for who I was, a quiet girl who bare...
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The Empathetic Revolution (That will End Mental Health Stigma) by Amber Joy Kostecki

       We need an empathetic revolution. What is an empathetic revolution you ask? It is the innovation of radically transforming the world to create social change. In this case, the motivation is to progressively reform mental health stigma using empathy as the catalyst. True empathy occurs when a person not only feels and understands another's plight but is also spontaneously moved to help them. Imagine if you will, a world where everyone is compassionate and empathetic as to lend a helping hand to their neighbor in need. Sound implausible? It's not. It's possible. It is right within our grasp. And it is long overdue. We just need to realize how simple the solution really is.       Meet   Anne. She was a modest girl from an ordinary town. Growing up, she endured physical and psychological abuse from her overbearing mother. She couldn't wait to get out on her own and make her own rules, and she moved out as soon as her eighteenth birthday r...
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Mental Health Stigma and the role Religion Plays

Mental Health Stigma and the role Religion Plays By Amber Joy Kostecki        Mental Health Stigma is when someone views a person in a negative way just because they have a mental health condition, and nine out of ten people with a mental illness feel that stigma and discrimination negatively impact their lives.     Borderline Personality Disorder , or BPD, is one of the most stigmatized mental illnesses in existence. BPD is characterized by emotion dysregulation, impulsivity, unstable relationships, and an ever-shifting sense of self. Although it is not well-understood, BPD is prevalent, with more than 3 million cases diagnosed each year       I am one of those cases. I was diagnosed almost five years ago, and like many others, finally felt relief at learning the name for the thing I had been  suffering with for nearly a lifetime. After being diagnosed (and still to this day), I spent/spend a lot of time researching BPD and anyth...
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11/25/2020

11/25/2020 2:06pm-He said, "I know I would be fine without you." 2:18pm-Never say "my feelings" or "feelings" to him. He said I use that word to manipulate. 2:25pm-He asked me for $20 and then used it to buy alcohol. 2:29pm-He said, "All "borderlines" are narcissists." 5:06pm-He said, "You're a drama queen, and that's putting it lightly." 5:27pm-He said, "I don't think you'll ever change." 5:35pm-I asked him if I'm feeling negative, can he help me feel positive. He said, "No. It's a waste of my time and I don't feel like it." 5:41pm-He said, "I could have had a good day, but you made it shitty, and that is every day." 6:38pm-When I try to talk about my feelings or anything, he says, "Wah, wah, wah. What a baby complainer." I should do that to him from now on. He said that I complain all the time. He better never fucking complain EVER!!!! 6:49pm-He doesn't ...
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Different Elements=Different Perspectives

           ...When you have Borderline, there are things you think and do that you don't want anyone else to ever find out. You hide parts of yourself. The "bad" parts. The taboo parts. And you definitely don't tell just anybody how you are really feeling. You just say "I'm fine," even though you're dying inside. Why do we do this? Because one- we know that most people really don't care anyway, and two- we will be judged, harshly, for who we are, what we think, things we say, and how we feel. I cringe even writing this, because it does make me very vulnerable. And I tend to not make great choices when I'm feeling vulnerable. I make awful choices. and I choose things that cause me great pain, like choosing the most emotionally unavailable person to love, or choosing to go back to them over and over. Why do I do this? I guess it's because I want to punish myself, beat myself up, because that's all I know. I don't know "how...
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I am Fine: Realizations

       Am I just as worthless as I thought? I fear I am.      I try to say the opposite, that I'm worthy, that I'm "special," that I will make a difference. But I don't know if I really believe that. Sometimes it just sounds ridiculous.         Nobody will ever love me. At least not the way I want them to. I'm just not worth it. I am not worthy of being loved. I don't deserve love. Why would someone want to love me? Nobody wants to "deal with" someone with Borderline. That's the last thing they want to do. And so I sit here, alone. And that is how it will be forever. Until the day I die.       Now that's the reality of Borderline. It comes crashing down like waves upon the sand. Being happy is just a lie. Being even content is pushing it. My self-worth has been destroyed, and I don't even know who I am anymore. I can be whatever I need to be. Except happy. That's just a fairy tale. An impossible dream. It's ...
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                            BPD Relationship Cycle     If you've read the article about the BPD relationship cycle, then you know what you're about to read about. If you haven't read it, then you'll definitely learn some things here.     So, first I'll tell you about BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotion dysregulation disorder. What that means is that people with BPD have issues processing everyday emotions and reactions. Usually they have impulsivity problems and may experience episodes of intense anxiety, anger, and depression. These episodes can affect their job/school, their physical health, and most definitely their relationships, especially romantic ones. They have intense fears of abandonment, as well as a shifting self-image, an extremist mentality, and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.      In actuality, about 85% of those with BPD attempt suicide, with about 10% ...
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