BPD Relationship Cycle
If you've read the article about the BPD relationship cycle, then you know what you're about to read about. If you haven't read it, then you'll definitely learn some things here.
So, first I'll tell you about BPD. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotion dysregulation disorder. What that means is that people with BPD have issues processing everyday emotions and reactions. Usually they have impulsivity problems and may experience episodes of intense anxiety, anger, and depression. These episodes can affect their job/school, their physical health, and most definitely their relationships, especially romantic ones. They have intense fears of abandonment, as well as a shifting self-image, an extremist mentality, and suicidal thoughts or behaviors.
In actuality, about 85% of those with BPD attempt suicide, with about 10% succeeding. I believe that those that succeeded have had a realization. They have realized that they're doomed as far as relationships go. And they cannot handle that realization. I have had this realization also, but I am choosing to go on, even though I know how my life is going to end. Alone. Never having found what every person with Borderline is searching for. True Love. It's all part of the Borderline Cycle, which is the life cycle of somebody with BPD. You can read about that here The Borderline Cycle.
If somebody with BPD chooses to be in a romantic relationship, what I am going to explain next is basically how it will go, with every relationship, every time.
Stage 1
This stage begins with the person with BPD starting a new relationship. It quickly moves forward. The person with BPD sees their partner as "the one" and that their relationship is perfect.
Stage 2
In this stage, as the relationship is progressing, the person with BPD starts to become hypersensitive to the smallest word or action, whether they are negative or not. It starts to become a source of fixation and negative emotion for the one with BPD. Their fear of abandonment and low self-esteem begin to tell them that their partner no longer wants to be with them, regardless of whether this is the case. In their mind, the relationship is starting to crumble, and this becomes a source of constant and overly-excessive concern.
Stage 3
In this stage, the person with BPD starts to push at their partner. The goal of this is to create a situation where their partner has to "fight" for the relationship, thereby showing a level of concern that removes the source of worry.
Stage 4
Here is where the relationship really begins to fall apart. The person with BPD waits for an overdramatic declaration of love, which usually does not happen, then they start to convince themselves that their partner is going to leave them, which makes them feel empty and alone. Meanwhile, their partner isn't usually aware of any of this, at first. By the time they start to be aware, they also realize that they cannot stay in the relationship. They are basically pushed to the brink. It is like the book says "I hate you, don't leave me."
Stage 5
In this stage, the relationship ends. The person with BPD will not be okay with this, often going to extreme measures to get their partner back. But by this time, the person with BPD has created such a distance between themselves and their partner that it cannot be undone.
Stage 6
With the relationship ending, the person with BPD experiences extreme mood swings, going from anxiety to anger to depression, and everywhere in between. In a lot of cases, the emotional instability they feel leads to suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and could also lead to self-harming behaviors, like cutting, overdosing, spending money, seeking out sex, or risky behaviors. These behaviors give them only a momentary sense of relief.
If the person with BPD decides to go back to their partner, they should expect to cycle back through stages 3 to 6. And this is the case no matter how many times they go back to that person. It just is what it is. This cycle will happen no matter who you're with, and no matter how many times.
So basically, anybody and everybody with BPD, are just not capable of being in a healthy and stable relationship. It's just not going to happen. I know that it sucks that it's like this, but this is the reality. So people with BPD have a choice to make. They can continue getting into relationships, knowing that they are going to end, or they can say forget relationships, because relationships cause them to suffer even more than they normally do. But, I believe, the majority of those with BPD will continue to get into relationships. I will most likely also continue doing it, because we crave that "true love" feeling that happens at the beginning of relationships, even if we know that that feeling will end.
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